Husband always goes to mom first

Aug 28, 2023

Dear Annie: Since we have been married, my husband tends to tell his sister and mom information before me. By information, I mean that my husband will first tell his family the dates that his job is sending him out of town, and he tells me afterward. He first told his sister that his job was going to relocate us to a different state before telling me.

He also does things like wanting to fix his sister’s car before fixing my car. He does not tell me anything that’s going on with his family, and because of that, I have not gotten a chance to know any of them. Because I confront him about this, he tells me that I don’t like his family.

We have been going through this for 16 years, and I want to know if I am in the wrong for wanting my husband to take care of his wife and kids before taking care of his mom and sister, or if I should just not say anything? — Frustrated

Dear Frustrated: Of course you should say something if it is bothering you. Communication is a very important factor in a marriage, and if you feel like your husband communicates better and more frequently with his sister and mother, then there is a problem that needs to be addressed. Talk to him, and ask what his reasoning is. Does he feel criticized by you and not as much by his mother and sister? Is he afraid of you? Or he might simply be taking you for granted. Regardless of the issue, a healthy marriage is a partnership that requires communication.

Dear Annie: I would like to respond to the recent letter of concern from a reader who was not getting thank-you notes from teenage family members for gifts they received. I do not have any suggestions to help her situation (I am in a similar one right now with an adopted granddaughter) but have a suggestion for young parents who are struggling with how to teach their children to be good citizens — and saying “thank you” is a big part of that.

We have two grown sons, ages 37 and 40. When they received money or any other gift from anyone, I always told them that the gift was not really theirs until the thank-you note was in the mail (snail mail, of course!). After that, they were free to do as they chose with said gift. However, I did always encourage them to save their gift money.

Some years ago, we had a big party for both of them when they graduated from college. They received many monetary gifts, and guess what? That same night when we got home, they both sat down and wrote their thank-you notes! I was pretty proud of those boys (and still am). This was an easy approach to the thank-you issue that worked great for us. I hope this helps some parents. Thank you! — Experienced Parent

Dear Experienced Parent: This is a great tip. Congratulations for teaching your sons to be grateful and considerate human beings.

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